Being For Yourself

Being For Yourself

This is the third post in the series on Your Precious Life. Here’s Part One and Part Two. In it we’ll find the new strength you can uncover through Being For Yourself.

Let’s begin with another practice, similar to the one we did in the last post. But this time we’ll focus inward, and bring that same compassion and support into ourselves.

Settle into your seat. Bring to mind a sense of yourself as a child, especially focused on your neat qualities . . . your vulnerability . . . your lovableness.

Bring to mind compassion for that child you were . . . just like you would have compassion for any child.

Then see if you bring that same compassion to yourself today . . . just like you could have compassion for any child grown into an adult.

Compassion for the human difficulties you have faced, and face today . . . compassion for the physical illnesses and pains . . . compassion for the hard circumstances, including genuine bad luck, that you have had to overcome . . . compassion for the ways other have truly mistreated you or might mistreat you in the future. . . compassion for simply being human and thus subject to unavoidable suffering.

Take a moment to settle into that feeling of compassion for yourself . . . letting it fill you . . . breathing compassion in and out . . . . compassion breathing . . . compassion breathing you.

Now bring to mind a sense of caring or kindness – I’ll call that lovingkindness from now on – for that child you were . . . just like you would have lovingkindness for any child.

Then see if you bring that same lovingkindness to yourself today . . . just like you could have lovingkindness for any child grown into an adult. Lovingkindness for the human difficulties you have faced, and face today . . .

Lovingkindness for the physical illnesses and pains . . . Lovingkindness for the hard circumstances, including genuine bad luck that you have had to overcome . . .

Lovingkindness for the ways other have truly mistreated you or might mistreat you in the future . . . Lovingkindness for simply being human and thus subject to unavoidable suffering.

Take a moment to settle into that feeling of lovingkindness for yourself . . . letting it fill you . . . breathing lovingkindness in and out . . . . lovingkindness breathing . . . lovingkindness breathing you.

Now bring to mind a sense of being for that child you were . . . a sense of good will toward that child you were, a sense of advocacy or protection for that child you were . . . just like you would be for, be on the side of any child.

Then see if you can bring that same stance of being for, of being on the side of, of caring about the happiness of . . . yourself today.

Being for yourself in the face of those same difficulties the child faced.

Take a moment to settle into that feeling of being for yourself . . . letting it fill you . . . Having a sense of strength, power, determination, commitment . . . breathing that feeling in and out . . . being for yourself breathing . . . being for yourself breathing you.

Please consider:

•  How have you been for yourself?

•  In what ways have you helped yourself have a good life?

•  How have you stood up for yourself?

•  How have you acted like your inner experience of living matters?

And also consider:

•  How have you not been for yourself?

•  In what ways have you not helped yourself have a good life?

•  How have you sold yourself short, not had faith in yourself?

•  How have you numbed to or discounted your experience of living?

•  How have you been excessively critical or mean to yourself?

How would your life change if you approached it from a place of being for yourself?



Dr. Ramani Durvasula is a licensed clinical psychologist, author, and expert on the impact of toxic narcissism. She is a Professor of Psychology at California State University, Los Angeles, and also a Visiting Professor at the University of Johannesburg.

The focus of Dr. Ramani’s clinical, academic, and consultative work is the etiology and impact of narcissism and high-conflict, entitled, antagonistic personality styles on human relationships, mental health, and societal expectations. She has spoken on these issues to clinicians, educators, and researchers around the world.

She is the author of Should I Stay or Should I Go: Surviving a Relationship With a Narcissist, and Don't You Know Who I Am? How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility. Her work has been featured at SxSW, TEDx, and on a wide range of media platforms including Red Table Talk, the Today Show, Oxygen, Investigation Discovery, and Bravo, and she is a featured expert on the digital media mental health platform MedCircle. Dr. Durvasula’s research on personality disorders has been funded by the National Institutes of Health and she is a Consulting Editor of the scientific journal Behavioral Medicine.

Dr. Stephen Porges is a Distinguished University Scientist at Indiana University, Professor of Psychiatry at the University of North Carolina, and Professor Emeritus at both the University of Illinois at Chicago and the University of Maryland. He is a former president of the Society for Psychophysiological Research and has been president of the Federation of Behavioral, Psychological, and Cognitive Sciences, which represents approximately twenty-thousand biobehavioral scientists. He’s led a number of other organizations and received a wide variety of professional awards.

In 1994 he proposed the Polyvagal Theory, a theory that links the evolution of the mammalian autonomic nervous system to social behavior and emphasizes the importance of physiological states in the expression of behavioral problems and psychiatric disorders. The theory is leading to innovative treatments based on insights into the mechanisms mediating symptoms observed in several behavioral, psychiatric, and physical disorders, and has had a major impact on the field of psychology.

Dr. Porges has published more than 300 peer-reviewed papers across a wide array of disciplines. He’s also the author of several books including The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-regulation.

Dr. Bruce Perry is the Principal of the Neurosequential Network, Senior Fellow of The ChildTrauma Academy, and a Professor (Adjunct) in the Departments of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at the Feinberg School of Medicine at Northwestern University in Chicago and the School of Allied Health at La Trobe University in Melbourne, Australia. From 1993 to 2001 he was the Thomas S. Trammell Research Professor of Psychiatry at Baylor College of Medicine and chief of psychiatry at Texas Children's Hospital.

He’s one of the world’s leading experts on the impact of trauma in childhood, and his work on the impact of abuse, neglect, and trauma on the developing brain has impacted clinical practice, programs, and policy across the world. His work has been instrumental in describing how traumatic events in childhood change the biology of the brain.

Dr. Perry's most recent book, What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing, co-authored with Oprah Winfrey, was released earlier this year. Dr. Perry is also the author, with Maia Szalavitz, of The Boy Who Was Raised As A Dog, a bestselling book based on his work with maltreated children, and Born For Love: Why Empathy is Essential and Endangered. Additionally, he’s authored more than 300 journal articles and book chapters and has been the recipient of a variety of professional awards.

Dr. Allison Briscoe-Smith is a child clinical psychologist who specializes in trauma and issues of race. She earned her undergraduate degree from Harvard and then received her Ph.D. in clinical psychology from the University of California, Berkeley. She performed postdoctoral work at the University of California San Francisco/San Francisco General Hospital. She has combined her love of teaching and advocacy by serving as a professor and by directing mental health programs for children experiencing trauma, homelessness, or foster care.

Dr. Briscoe-Smith is also a senior fellow of Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center and is both a professor and the Director of Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion at the Wright Institute. She provides consultation and training to nonprofits and schools on how to support trauma-informed practices and cultural accountability.

Sharon Salzberg is a world-renowned teacher and New York Times bestselling author. She is widely considered one of the most influential individuals in bringing mindfulness practices to the West, and co-founded the Insight Meditation Society in Barre, Massachusetts alongside Jack Kornfield and Joseph Goldstein. Sharon has been a student of Dipa Ma, Anagarika Munindra, and Sayadaw U Pandita alongside other masters.

Sharon has authored 10 books, and is the host of the fantastic Metta Hour podcast. She was a contributing editor of Oprah’s O Magazine, had her work featured in Time and on NPR, and contributed to panels alongside the Dalai Lama.

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